A new quest
Life has taken on new meaning for me over the last several months. I have lost so many worldy possessions, yet I don’t feel the loss so much. I am thankful for the relationships I have and the health of my family and so losing $10,000 worth of stuff in the fire isn’t so important, cause my father in law is safe and wasn’t injured, and the bum sale of my property, well, WHaTeVeR is all I can say to that. I have been building character and learning so much about who I want to be in this world!
My newest quest is to go deeper into the things of God. I want to see into the spiritual realm in a new way with eyes of understanding and fearless passion to help free people who are in bondage to so much. I am learning that a lot of our bondage is inside of us, something that we allow to grow and fester from our painful experiences, and there is not a spirit behind every bad thing that happens in life.
Lately my hunger to know Him is getting deeper and stronger. I am feeling a new confidence and certainty that I am on the right path in my life. Things definitely have not gone the way I would have chosen if I had any say at all, but I know that everything is to my benefit, that I am becoming someone that I could not possibly be without the experiences I have had.
Today was an interesting day. I was at the grocery store when I was approached by someone I recently did business with. She completely ripped me off in the business deal and I was amazed at her audacity in approaching me. I was thinking to myself “Why is she talking to me?? She has some nerve.” It was regarding a matter which I will not go into here, but it all ended up with her telling me that she would not pay the bill sent to her unless I could offer her further proof that it was her bill. I said to her “That’s not a suprise” I wasn’t rude or snotty about it, just very self assured because she ripped me off once, why wouldn’t she do it again?? As soon as I said the words she spun around quickly and walked away and all i heard was something about bitch…. I thought whatever! I can live with myself and I will sleep just fine tonight.
As she hurried away I watched her (practically running) and was quite surprised at how eager she was to get away. I realized then that she was completely intimidated by me. Little ol me. Huh. Imagine that. I have always been told that I am very intimidating, and for years thought it was a curse because I don’t want people to be intimidated by me!! I hate intimidating people!! Well, hate is a strong word, but I sure don’t like to be around intimidating people too much. Today I felt such empowerment by the whole circumstance, and a deeper longing to be totally committed to being a person of integrity.
Too many people lack integrity these days. They back bite and steal. They are not willing to do the right thing if the opportunity presents itself to get ahead at someone else’s expense. They compromise their moral standings for financial gain. They push friendship aside and do not honor their debt. They slander people because of their skin color, gender, social standing, religious beliefs or political standing and most of it is considered “politically correct”. I have had to deal with my share of people who lack integrity, but I am most acutely aware that once, not so long ago I was one of those people. I have always considered myself to be a fairly decent and “good” person, but I know for a fact that if I did not have a personal relationship with my God, that I would be a person who lacks integrity too. It’s only because He has shown me who I need to be that I am changing and becoming more like Him. What an amazing gift.
